I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
