I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
