You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
