Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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