you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
