I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
