As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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