I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
