Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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