is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
