omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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