I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
