He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
