So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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