I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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