My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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