Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
