Where did you get a picture of my penis
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize