so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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