Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You need Xanax blowdarts
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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