Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize