I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
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Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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