Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
