just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
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We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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