textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
