The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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