he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
