this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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