There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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