after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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