the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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