Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
