she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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