I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize