it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
