I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
