you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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