3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
