i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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