I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
