I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
