I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
