We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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