There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
