my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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