Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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