I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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