And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
