They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
