party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
please come you make the beer taste better
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
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