I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
