He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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