I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
