i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
