dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My day in three words: secret purse cake
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
