You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
