Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
