Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
