community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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